Yeahh Mannn.

I NEED ANOTHER FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a sick, sad person.


24 is about to become my life

Today is my day! :)


YAY FOR HERITAGE DAY!



I love being Irish.

So last night I never looked at any guitar stuff. Best go do it now I have to leave in an hr and 40 min!!!!! Man. I just want it to be over I don't even wanna go.

And my mom told me this morning that Joey is sick. :( I hate it when she gets sick. So I'm gonna go downstairs and see her after I get out of the shower.


Laterrrr.

I'm so fucking bored. And now I'm going to a park to chill and listen to music.

SOmeone give me a call if you want.

Peace.

I wrote a new blog. and I hope people comment it. And I hope it responds well. Even though it's really long.

I just wanted to rant i guess.

off for homework.

ready. set. go.

my thumb kills. This is what happened. Enjoy.

So last night I was at Justin's and I jammed my thumb into a cement

stoop. I was convinced i broke it cuz it hurt so fucking bad and I heard

and felt a crack. Anyway this afternoon I just spent 2 and half hrs at my

dad's urgent care. They took 3 x rays and it's not broken. But it was

really badly jammed. And the Doctor said that the ligaments are really

badly injured. So she made me a temporary cast and now I have that

thing on, and I have a sling to keep it up and elevated, and I'm on pain

killers for the first day maybe second day. Because it is so hard to do

things with a thumb injured...I can barely do anything. And it's my right

thumb and guess what? I'm right handed. I even had to use my left

hand to start and turn off my car cuz it hurt too much with my right

hand. So as you can tell it's going to be an interesting next couple of

weeks. And if it's not any better by middle of next week... I have to go

see a different doctor, or a physical therapist or something. Awesome

right? So as you can tell I had an eventful evening last night. But my

mom is going to make me waffles. Text me, or call me, or message,

comment me, or come over or whatever. I'm out. Peace.

OH! and if you want to see my x rays let me know... the doctor gave me

a copy of them! Hahahaha! Anywho, peace.

<3 beth

so everything is pretty much fucked up right now... I guess i just dont know what to do with my life anymore... as far as school and friends and what not. Im so frustrated with things all the time and i feel bad most of the time. anyway on to other things. nick and mario are coming home this weekend which is cool i suppose. ok so im a little excited for those happenings. cuz i think me nikki nick and mario are going to the zoo on saturday. but i dunno last night i fell asleep on the phone cuz i was so tired but im saying its not my fault cuz i told him not to call me cuz i knew hed get off the phone too late to try and call me then and talk to me. tonight i have to drive the van but it should be fairly easy and nikki is going to come with me. i have sound class though in like an hour which is exciting. but yeah on to other things: school sucks. and now a writing...

being this way is hard
who better than to know this than me
as if no one understands, no one can see
except one person who is much of the same
they too know what its like to be enwrapped in this game
this game of fury with controlling your constant self
a struggle from within a struggle buried so deep inside
there is no way to describe how we feel so we hide
how can you use this against us
how can you just run us over with this bus
this bus of openess
we're not open and we never will be
so please stop using who we are against us
stop using our inner self to hurt us
we dont intend to be this way
its just for us theres never anything to say
you need to understand this shit engulfs our brains
everyday for us it rains
it rains inside our heads daily
we long to scream out words you wish to hear
to even whisper the slightest of our thoughts in your ears
but we cant we dont know how, there is no feeling, no expression

today i had to work for levi... cuz he was sick and it sucked. there was so many people here... there was a lot of people that i didnt even know. which upsets me cuz i dont like cuz i dunno i just dont. i dunno. and i just found out soem stuff about the Latinos that come here and it made me really uncomfortable to even be working... because i was kinda scared as stupid as that sounds. but i am just pretty much scared and worried for them and nervous and what not. but yeah... so i have to talk to eric about it. which obivously makes me nervous. But i guess there is an upside to today...nick sent me a text message that made me smile so that was good. Nikki drove in the van with me...adn she drove so that made me feel at ease and we got to drive the easy van so that was good too. Now im just waiting for Louie to get back so i can go to sallys...im going to dye my hair tonight and im pretty excited about it. Nick doesnt really know so its going to be a surprise to him hahah. Kelly went hom sunday and i already miss her... :( and i didnt get to see her on her day of departure...

anyway.. im gonna go... im talking to trevor while waiting for louie.

i plan on going home in about 10 min to make cds. i am going to try and make 5 tonight mayube 6.. we'll see how i feel i guess... but yeah i should go hoem cuz i havent been home in so long.

tonight i will make cds, possibly be online for a wee bit, watch music dvds and nothingness and family guy and be bored out of my mind alone. if you would like to come join me feel free or call if you want.

i hate this fucking shit
people saying things they shouldnt
gettin me in deep shit i shouldnt be
i shouldnt have to explain myself
i didnt say anything
the only person who knew my feelings
that night was somebody who i am confused about
somebody i need to hear some stuff from
but never will cuz im never going to bring it up
i wish i could but i cant
its so hard
no one understands me
no one understands anything
i dont even understand
what the fuck though
seriously
people fucking starting shit...
fuck off. dont fucking talk unless you know
the fucking facts.
i dont understand


im sorry about this... but i had to rant on... somebody fucking told somebody that iwanted to punch them in the face and i never fucking said that. and now that person is all fucking pissed off. i only talked to one person that night and hes the only one who knew how i felt about soem of the night. not the fucking asshole saying i said shit about some other guy... damnit all the hell. i could blw somebodys shit up right now. but no i have to study right now cuz me and cory should leave the garage soon but im freaking out again...

where are you????

(is anything going to be done?)
(is anything going to get finished?)
my eyes blur over the very words you have said.
the very words you have said when not sober.
(i need that sense of protection.)
i need you to want save me too.
(cuz i can't stand this state between us.)
so would you just see me through this one.
this one alone. i have to know whats going on.(going on)
my ears keep ringing, talk this over.
i can't seem to grasp this yet.
i keep going down this path with you in my head.
i need a sense of feeling. a feeling calling to friendship.
(can you help this out)
i hear your words of protection for others in your life.(others in your life)
i need this explained. i need to hear the yes or no from your mouth. (yes or no from your mouth)
(so would you just see me through this one)
(come on just this once. cuz i cant stand this state between us)
never knowing, always guessing the thoughts inside your head.
just tell me, cuz i don't feel it.
tell me i'm your friend and you'd protect me.
i see you protect those around you,
(i long for this feeling)
so would you just see me through this one.
(i need to have a sit down, with you and you alone)
(to find out this state)
are we friends, or are we not...
this needs to be said to me.
(so would you just see me through this one)
(this one, this one)


hhaah i kind of wrote a screamo song.. sorta. anyway. peace.

today is my brother's birthday! he is turning 26!

i think... lol. yeah yay for my bro!


peace.

there is no other way for this to be
this is the way it has to be
continue to dig in the ground
and find a hole for belongness
not a talker, never have been
there is no other way to hide from the world
the world can be a wonderful yet cruel thing
and at the moment its choosing cruel
confusing thoughts rush and flood through the cranium, trying to make some sense
why is there a constant breath of needing the words said
reassuring words traveling through the ear drum
words meant to be imbedded into the long term
why cannot the label be said, others can see it and say it
but when trying it doesnt feel right
it shouldnt be this way for whom is thought to be closest to the heart
there is no other way for this to be
some would say oblivious, some say blind
its true, blinding is a semi-good way to describe it
yet still not an excuse
an excuse that cannot be in use
there is one, to wish to tell everything to beginning to end
thats the impossible, a fantasy, all in the head
there is one, to wish things to go away for them and be better again
a hatred felt for not being able to complete this mission
yet mission not failed, it will be tried in the utmost way
there is one who knows a feeling so indescribable,
that there is not even anything more to say
there is no other way for this
its just the way it is
thoughts leave the body chilled,
as if in an ice box where every ice cube is everything inside every brain cortex
words cannot be said, dont be offended friends
a tough concept to grasp, a constant burden,
constant mosquito buzzing through an ear
so agervating, not one word is to be heard
just the air smoothly slipping through lips
with printed words forever imbedded apologizing for the way it is
why is there no other way
the way is to be strong and fearless
for those around even if means making no or any fucking sound
looking for everything to be okay
and it will be as long as there is a hero
i will be the strong one my dears, its who i am.
no other way.


yeah....
peace.

there's nothing i can do
this is the one thing i hate the most
i am always the one to scare the monster away
i sit and tell people it will be okay
the thing i love the most is helping
and when i cant i want just go running, crazy but true
i am helpless... what can i do.
this doesnt usually happen, why right now?
now, is hard and i know cuz i feel it too.
i know im weird about it and i know i may seem like the wrong person.
have i lost my super powers?
ive always been told im the hero, at least in my last group of friends.
everything now is so unwanted.
where to go, no one knows
whats there to say when the words have just formed into air?
wheres the expression in that my dears?
im at a loss for words, i couldnt put it better myself.
where do we go from here, we've spun around in circles
so many times, its making me sick, yeah making me sick.
im down on my knees, looking to the sky, for something, anything.
i just need something to put this away, to figure this out.
have i lost my super powers?
cuz i cant see anything right now
my webs are gone, kryptonite in my presence


needs work.
peace.

im coughing up my lungs i swear. so yeah...still sick. this is getting a little ridiculous.

so mario and cory make love by hitting each other... uh huh right.

cory ditched me for valentines day what a jackass huh?

well i need to go write eric a post-it note. hummmmppppphhhh.

last night nikki, kelly, and cory and mario came and visited me since i was sick. it was very nice of them. and im really glad they did. :) even though i was really really really crabby. but yeah. right now i am working on my march 23rd show. and im really excited for sunday... cuz im going to go see bryans play cuz he asked me to!!!!!!! :) and we are going to go to jamba soon. i miss bryan...he is glorious. anyway. i am gonna work on my show, and hopefully study for my midterm tomorrow.

peace.

i went to the doctor today, and well he is treating me for a sinus infection. which isnt a surprise to me cuz i am pretty much prone to them. but its also kind of a good thing because now i get to be on medication and can hopefully get better faster. i went to work last night and im really really happy i did. a really good band, Ludo played last night with quietdrive and they want to come back and play sometime at the garage which is good cuz i really liked them. they were probably like the best band all night in my opinion, i mean i like quietdrive and everything but i liked Ludo better cuz they were more original to me and i liked that. anyway... im currently eating cheerios cuz i just took my anti-biotic. but now im gonna go lay down some more then shower later. if anyway wants to text or call me later feel free. you could probably come over for a bit too if you wanted. so yeah... just call or text.

peace.

ok so this sick thing is really getting out of hand and really is just making me upset. last night when i got home i started to get the chills... i went upstairs and went to bed and couldnt sleep...i was so cold and i had like 4 blankets that are big and heavy on me, i had the chills and a fever. it sucked. i woke up after an hour of sleep... which sucked. i wish i could have slept longer. then went back to bed and didnt sleep good, woke up 5 hours later and then couldnt go back to sleep then finally did and had to wake up 45 min later to go to school. i had one class today and well i was only there for a half hour cuz i finished everything early. now im gonna go home and sleep and watch tv, maybe some family guy, or nip/tuck. but the sucky thing is, is kelly comes home today and i have to be home sick... it sucks. my dad doesnt want me to work tonight...which i probably wont, cuz i want to work tomorrow for sure since its a big show. so yeah it sucks. all i want to eat or drink is soup, juice, water, and hot cocoa. i really do hate being sick. and i know the only reason i feel worse today is cuz i went out last night... damn me to hell. well im off to go home now. call the cell or text if you want.

peace

-i have no energy to do anything but sleep. and watch tv. i am actually kind of hungry right now which is good, cuz i havent been hungry in two days. yet i am still craving soup and juice.
-last night i wrote new lyrics to a song. I wrote new lyrics to "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands" the new lyrics are about being sick... here it goes...

"if you're sick and you know it take some advil,
if you're sick and you know it take some advil,
if you're sick and you know it then your body will surely show it,
if you're sick and you know it take some advil.

if you're sick and you know it drink juice and water,
if you're sick and you know it drink juice and water
if you're sick and you know it juice and water will surely do it
if you're sick and you know it drink juice and water.

if you're sick and you know it take a nap,
if you're sick and you know it take a nap,
if you're sick and you know it then some sleep will surely help it
if you're sick and you know it take a nap. "

yeah thats it. thats what i did while i was trying to fall asleep last night. :)